ILARIA by Trish Elery

ILARIA by Trish Elery is inspired by my beautiful mother, who first taught me how to sew at the age of 8. I chose the name in the early 2000’s without any idea how it would come to be; tucked into the recesses of my mind, ready when I am asked “what will you call your brand?” ILARIA is a derivation of her maiden name Elery; the origins of which, I discover during some sleuthing about her name, comes from Italy.

It is a luxury brand showcasing all the things I love and inspires me daily - Southern California style, relaxed elegance, 70’s rock and roll, sexy with a hint of Old Hollywood and some vintage equestrian vibes inspired by my gorgeous horse, Cash.

From silks in sumptuous colors to beautiful knits, animal print, fur, denim, leather & suede, tees and belts to hand painted silk head scarves and more, each piece can be worn alone or together all while embodying the relaxed California-style luxury that defines my brand. There are a lot of personal details and references hidden inside each piece; every one, a story. Stories that are shared over time.

Read on for more of my back story…

Born in Laramie, Wyoming and raised in western Montana, steeped in tradition and generations of family history, these beautiful places I once called home heavily influence my style aesthetic today.

When I was 3 months shy of my third birthday, we pack up our home in Laramie and move to Corvallis, OR (after a near fatal car crash on the way) where  my dad begins his doctorate program in Oceanography at OSU. We live in Oregon for 4 years. My dad drops out of his program (bemoaning the meager wages of a professor, even back then) to begin his career working for Prudential Life Insurance as a sales agent (and acquire health care coverage for my mother, who battles mental illness throughout her life.) This career change and moving up the corporate ladder means the occasional relocation. We move several times before graduating high school but I spend most of my childhood in western Montana; this is where I still call “home”.

Even in early childhood, I have strong opinions about fashion and style.

Case in point:  At the age of 5, I get into an argument with my mother about the outfit she wants me to wear to kindergarten. I love the dress (a favorite) but because it’s winter and I have already spent ridiculous amounts of time in and out of hospitals since moving to OR, she wants me to stay warm; hence the turtleneck. But all I see is that horrid turtleneck in her hand, which is the ugliest shade of dirt brown I’ve ever seen. She expects me to wear it under my dress. I absolutely refuse to put it on. We have a huge argument, leading to a tardy at school that day. I lose the argument (and to this day, remember feeling like I’m choking because the neck is so tight!) but that incident is permanently etched in my memory as a clue to my life’s passion - clothes, style, fabrics, fashion…and color.

I also model at local fashion stores while living in Oregon. I argue the merits of more hideous outfits I will not wear nor be seen wearing during several jobs. I have terrible arguments with the stage managers. To this day, I remember one particularly ugly outfit. When presented as “my outfit”, I refuse to walk the runway. I was 6 or 7.

Also while we were living in Oregon, I vividly recall my first experience receiving messages from my intuition or inner knowing.

I’m in our backyard. It's Spring, the sky is blue, the rain is gone, the grass is green and my mom’s rhododendrons are in full bloom. Our dog is racing around in the grass feeling the freedom of being outside in the warmth of the sun.

I “hear” a voice say my name. I stop what I’m doing and look around for the person speaking to me, wondering if it’s my dad. I hear it again. No one is there. Somehow I understand the voice is important so I am still and listen.

I don’t yet understand where this is coming from but even my little 4 year old self understands it’s significant. I don’t know how, other than my inner knowing “knew”. The voice tells me my path in life is going to be completely different from that of my family. I remember wondering if this includes my parents or one or all of my three siblings. And what exactly is “different”?  I remember the intense inner warmth and excitement I feel, receiving this message. Other information also comes that day, directing my thoughts toward a future I cannot yet understand or fathom. More dreams and instructions from “the voice” follow periodically throughout my life, guiding me toward or away from people, places, things. It continues today.

I credit my mother as the biggest influence on my passion for style. She was an elegant woman with so much charm and charisma. Often, you could find her holding “court” wherever she went. People flocked to her. My mother had “presence”. A lot of it. Yet she remained so humble. It’s her love for clothes, sewing, bright colors and gorgeous fabrics that influence so much of my early training. I learn to sew at age 8, attend several years worth of sewing classes, make my own clothes from the age of 13 (my mom constantly telling me my style aesthetic is too sophisticated for a kid my age; more arguments ensue). I enroll in fashion design school after graduating high school, earning a degree in Apparel & Textile Design.

My first official design “job” (without pay) is working with the lead singer of an up and coming pop band designing stage costumes, before they make it “big”. I get the job because they also happen to be friends with my family. (They will go on to have several top hit songs in the 90’s.) I love the work, wondering if this is the path I should take. I also explore costume design by volunteering at the local community theater as well as performing in my high school theater group, helping with costumes, makeup, set design, etc.

Nearing the end of my design program, I begin discussing plans to move to NYC or LA  with a fellow design graduate so we can begin our careers in the fashion industry after graduation.

But life has other plans.

I get married.

I meet my husband a semester before I graduate from design school. I am very focused on finishing my program strong so I am not interested in him whatsoever. I am pressured by my roommates to ask him to a formal “Sadie Hawkins” dance  (women inviting the men) so we can all go to the dance together with our respective dates. I relent because it is easier than being hounded. I also make a new dress.

I’m getting ready for the dance when I’m suddenly reminded of a dream I had some months before. In the dream, I am engaged to a man after knowing him for 3 weeks. His face is not clearly visible but I do see his dark hair. In my dream, I tell my parents about this sudden engagement, completely bracing myself for the backlash. Instead, I get congratulations and best wishes! I wake up with so many questions!

This scenario plays out in real life two weeks later. We date 3 weeks, get engaged (his parents buy my engagement ring), spend another month together before he goes to work for the summer with his brother in Jackson Hole, WY. I go back to my parents home in North Dakota for the summer to plan a wedding.

I design and sew my wedding dress, making modifications on a Vogue pattern. My mom helps me hand sew the lace around the train (something that means even more now that my mom passed). My friend and fellow designer helps with some finish work on the floor of the hotel room the night before our wedding.

While my husband attends engineering school that fall, there are zero prospects for work as a designer in Northern Idaho. So I attend cosmetology school and become a hairstylist. I work at a salon on the WSU campus in Pullman, WA. It is a great time and I enjoy the success I have as a stylist. I love the creativity from doing hair but I feel the ache of not designing clothes or using my fashion degree.

Given the area in which we are living (without many fashion design prospects) I pivot and offer classes and give seminars on fashion, style, thrifting vintage and creating a capsule wardrobe as well as hairstyle & image consulting. I love it.

After my husband graduates engineering school, we move to CA where he begins his first job as an electrical design engineer. It’s in the San Francisco Bay Area where I work as a makeup artist, model & teach at a modeling school. It’s also during this time, I have our first child, a daughter. Now I want to step back from working so I can be at home with my baby (after five years of infertility).

Interestingly, a company from Indianapolis contacts my husband for a job there around this same time. He flies there for the interview and as soon as he finishes with them, he calls me and says they offered him the position. I’m devastated. I do not want to move back to the midwest. I lived in ND during my high school years. No thanks.

God has other plans. So we move. We live in Indianapolis for 9 years, have our second child, a son and my career as a travel agent and a published writer take hold.

I write fashion and beauty articles for an online news wire agency when the internet first comes on the scene. This setup is perfect because with two children, I can write from home and be there for my kids. I have fond memories of this time. It keeps my hand somewhat in the fashion game and I discover a passion for writing (thanks to a SAG member writing mentor who has a tremendous impact on my writing confidence and style) as well as public speaking. I do this for several years before pivoting again.

When my daughter is 3, I return to university and study Psychology. As much as I enjoy it (and use it in my coaching business today) none of it offers the same passion, drive & beauty that is fashion design.

My life is a series of “Plan B’s” - back up plans instead of what I really want. Over the years, I have been a travel agent, day spa manager, office manager, writer, public speaker, fashion stylist, makeup artist, model, jewelry maker and teacher.

Life is funny. Just when you think you have things figured out, life throws you a curveball. But those curveballs become stepping stones, leading you toward the life you are meant to live.

Curveball No. 1: My husband’s company in Indianapolis decide to make some changes. His boss calls him into the office one day. The boss tells Keith they are laying off several of his colleagues but Keith is staying so not to worry. (This becomes the gift we need to leave Indiana and come back west after 9 years.)  Keith comes home to discuss our options. We pray about it. We go back and forth because there is no job on the horizon. It is a huge leap of faith to ask for a lay off without any job or a plan! But we both feel this is the right decision for our family. So he asks his boss to lay him off and let his colleague stay - a colleague with deep family ties to the area. Negotiating this request takes three days. So many nerves over this process! His boss finally agrees. Keith is laid off, receives 3 weeks severance and a recommendation letter. Three weeks later, he is moving to San Diego (where we both know we want to live), working for a very successful company where he still works today, 23 years later. The kids and I move as soon as they finish out the school year.

Curveball No. 2: My mom gets breast cancer and she has some serious health issues requiring surgery. This impedes her health tremendously and affects everything about her life. She’s newly retired and sick. My father is still working so it is difficult to have him gone. So he retires in order to care for her. My sisters work but I don’t so I travel from CA to Texas to help my dad care for my mom. This will continue from the 2010’s to her passing in 2020. During this time, I return to my Christian roots. Caring for an aging parent is very difficult and taxing. I feel inadequate and frustrated. I ask for and receive guidance from God during this very difficult time. Throughout the years I serve my parents, it’s my inner knowing and spiritual gifts that keep me pressing forward in faith. As I serve my parents, I feel strongly I am doing what God asks of me. And it’s a huge ask. My family life is impacted because of my prolonged absence. I ask God to bless my family for their sacrifice so I can attend to my parents. My faith grows exponentially as does my knowledge and understanding of many spiritual things. It’s during this time, I discover I possess specific spiritual gifts unique to me. I don’t know quite what to do with these gifts so I share my experiences with people I trust. I get validation from them and those I serve. These gifts are not to be monetized nor are they discussed openly. But when I feel compelled to use them in order to serve others, I share them freely.

Curveball No. 3: In 2020, my sweet mama dies (and my beautiful mother in law.) I have no capacity to grieve. I feel the emptiness and loss of our relationship acutely. I decide I need to do something as a way to grieve and process so I take up horseback riding. That leads to trying out three different barns, changing from English riding to Western, purchasing my own horse and then my shock at discovering my registered American Quarterhorse is actually part Arabian! My beautiful Cash is a gift from my mother in a very real sense. She helped facilitate bringing him to me from the other side. No one can convince me otherwise. He is my heart horse. I am at the ranch where he is boarded every single day. My grief is released and my heart heals because of him.

Curveball No. 4: My mother loved music and played the most beautiful piano and organ. The keys danced under her fingers and the music seemed an extension of her soul. I quit music years ago because of the pain associated with it. But after she dies, I feel a deep longing to reconnect with this part of me again and by extension, connect with her. I resume classical voice training (opera) as a soprano and my dear husband surprises me with a beautiful black Steinway for my birthday in November of that year. Seeing my beautiful piano sitting in my music room is where I feel my mother’s presence the most. Music is another heart healer and mine is healed in many ways because music is now part of my daily life. I’m so grateful.

Curveball No. 5: It’s now December 2023, my life coaching business is thriving and I just had a wonderful birthday in November (Sagittarius baby!) So on a whim, I decide to buy a late birthday/Christmas present for myself. I order a jacket from a designer I’ve followed on social media for several years. I send her a message inquiring about what size to order. She offers to custom make my jacket so it fits perfectly. Email updates about the jacket follow.

As more emails are exchanged, momentum begins to take hold.

One shared thing leads to another shared thing and before long, I receive the email that changes the course of my life: She offers to mentor me in creating my own fashion brand. I don’t mind saying this offer took me a few weeks to process!

A few weeks later, I travel to London & meet her for the first time. We discuss plans, ideas, concepts and the fashion business as a whole. (I also receive my beautiful jacket. I haven’t worn her yet because I’m not done staring at her!)

And with that…ILARIA by Trish Elery is born! 

I live in San Diego with my husband Keith, our two children, 3 rescue cats, 2 rescue dogs & my horse, Cash. I love being in nature and have a more holistic approach to life and wellness practices after healing trauma and a host of health issues. I am a certified Life Transformation Coach working with midlife women, helping them transform themselves, creating the life of their dreams. Because I feel my coaching practice is such important work, I will eventually bring ILARIA by Trish Elery and my coaching practice together for in-person healing retreats, trunk shows and personal improvement/wellness seminars. I am a classically trained Soprano with a passion for opera (my great grandmother was an opera singer and I sound a lot like her, according to my dad), direct my local church choir and I do equine body work - horse and human healing trauma is such a powerful tool and very effective. I love to cook, travel & spend time with my close family and friends. A spa day is ALWAYS a must. And I never forget to laugh! Sarcasm is my love language.